are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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