Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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