it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
