She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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