dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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