dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
