You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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