I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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