Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
