Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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