Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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