She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
