His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
