You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
