I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
