I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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