STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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