I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
