He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
