I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
