cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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