Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
