Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
