i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
