hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize