okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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