Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
