Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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