I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
