he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
