there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
