I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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