Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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