we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
