its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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