Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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