I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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