I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize