I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
