im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize