I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize