I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize