so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
