I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're a waste of cheezeits
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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