The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
