No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
