The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
