Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
