He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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