you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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