Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
