she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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