Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
