I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
