I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
