ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
