He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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