just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
