You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
