I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
