kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
