3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
