Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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