why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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