Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
