He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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