this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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