Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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