I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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